OHMYGOD, IT'S THE INCREDIBLE HULK IN A HALF SHELL!
To avoid further shell shock, let's do a rundown of the changes Paramount's 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has to offer, shall we?
The new character design is about the most glaring a change this reboot did. The Turtles' faces were very human. Make them flesh-colored and deprived of shell and they can easily blend in with mankind. The WWF-intense work out-celluloid-pumped mankind.The muscles on these teenagers were insane! Specially Raphael who jumped from the hot-headed member to the group's ultimate bruiser… in a frakkin' do-rag, yeah!
I LOVE the origin change! April O'Neil plays a bigger role in the lives of Splinter and the Turtles as their original pet owner and saviour during the lab fire, Not just a random over-eager reporter. Crossing the Turtles' paths and past with Shredder and Saks was awesome! How Ninjutsu got introduced to the Teenagers was cool, too. And showing them in their preteens… was insane.
SPLINTER AND SHREDDER
The sewer rat sensei had an upgrade in his fighting skills and drama skills. Thank you for making full use of his tail in the battlefield. Shredder had an upgrade, too. He was a samurai robot. With flying knives that boomerang right back at will. I guess it's okay. It reminded me of The Transformers. Then again, Megan Fox did, too.
Both martial arts masters engaged in hand-to-hand combat --which to me was the best, heart-wrenching fight sequence in the film.
THE FOOT CLAN
Ok, this change completely infuriated me. The Foot is a formidable force of Japanese Warriors! They are NOT a gang of ski-masked, gun-toting hooligans! UGH! I felt so deprived of my youth just then. It made me want to break stuff. I overate popcorn instead.
There were some pretty cool nostalgic bits made specifically for the oldies in the audience. So you know the flick still gave the original cartoon due respect despite the massive alterations made.
Still there. So happy. Just like pizza.
Yes, please! If they had thrown in Casey again, I would've retched. Hockey stick vigilante Jones never really did it for me. I mean, the grit belongs to the Turtles. So he can just step back and wait for his own movie.
THE VAN! THE VAN! THE VAN!
HOLY SHITAKE! I was NOT expecting that! So you can just imagine how much I utterly geeked out when the ammo-loaded party van from the '80s cartoon rolled in! *still hyperventilating*
Of course, the movie had its ups and downs. Here's our grocery list:
THE EVIL PLOT
Spreading a deadly chemical from atop the highest building has been done in Spiderman. Making the antidote a business venture has been done in Mission Impossible.
I don't even know what to make of that. So I'll just pretend it didn't happen.
Semi-downside. There was an attempt to de-sexify Megan Fox a tad to make her fit better into the April O'Neil mold. Uh, no. The cinema-going, hormonal teens still saw The Transformers' Megan Fox. You can't just shake that sultry off.
This flick was loaded with it! It oozed Michael Bay! But the best to note was the car chase/shell toboggan scene on a snow-capped mountain. The fight scene choreography was, likewise, a sight to behold. It wasn't Rurouni Kenshin, but hey, I'm not complaining
The Turtles were made to look dirty and scaly and moist *cringe* --which is actually very realistic when living in a sewer. The tattered Indian-esque manner of clothing and accessory was cool, too. It gives you that 'living underground hippie-style' vibe.
Donnie's toys were severely amped! Glad the movie kept the reptilian genius up with the times.
The. Best. Part. Ever.
Now, some movie reviewers will tell you that TMNT 2014 was way too kiddie and too fantastic to create enough depth and substance. Dude, they're teenagers. They're mutants. They're ninjas. And to top it off, they're turtles. Drop the depth and have fun!